I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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