I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
