The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
