Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
