Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
