Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Did I show you my penis last night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
