the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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