i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
These tits shall not be calmed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
