I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize