Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
