meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
