i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
