I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize