you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
