When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
