apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
