I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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