in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
