I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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