god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize