So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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