A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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