Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
