the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
