Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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