His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
