I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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