Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
