Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
