You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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