Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize