i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
