i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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