cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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