I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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