How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
