It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
