Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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