hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
