dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize