$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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