i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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