I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
