My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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