I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize