I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
