Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
