using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
