If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
