Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
