His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
