I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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