So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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