And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
