i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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