You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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