my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
