ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
