the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
