Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
