He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
