Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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