He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
