she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
