How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize