My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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