She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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