you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
