what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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