I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
