I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
