peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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