My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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