He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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