I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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