My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
