i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
