i don't like sucking hair
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
