I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
