If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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