i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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