I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
