Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
