I am in a vortex of obligation.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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