It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
