I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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