He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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