well most of my day revolves around power hour
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
