He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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