New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
