My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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