would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
