oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
