Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
