Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
