Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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