dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
