She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
