I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
