I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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